“Next Christmas, son. Next year.” Those were my dad's final words to me at the end of a bitter argument where I begged him to quarantine so he could come for the holidays and meet his only granddaughter for the first time. 50 days later, he died alone in the ICU of multiple organ failure due to COVID-19 — 2 weeks before his vaccine appointment.

Out of breath and fighting for his life, he couldn’t even speak his final words to me. Instead, he told them tearfully to my sister: “Tell Casey, be safe. Three kids.”

I have no more parents.

Saying that feels strange, and realizing it’s my reality is downright surreal. If you would’ve told me this would be my reality by the age of 39, I would never have believed you, but here I am.

In my experience, there are two ways to lose a loved one. Three years back, I experienced the “long (and cruel) goodbye” with my mother, who was diagnosed with terminal ALS. Over the course of 22 months, we watched with helpless horror as our mother became a prisoner to her own failing body. Time was a blessing and a curse — there was more time to say our farewells, but there was also more time to watch her suffer. On the other end of the spectrum, you could call my father’s death the “no goodbye.”

I learned that losing the first parent marks the end of “childhood” — you realize that, for the first time, you need to take care of those ‘above you’ and ‘below you.’ Losing your second parent makes one acutely aware that you are the parent now.

Altogether, the process teaches you a few things about death, and—by extension—a few things about life too.

1 - Make memories.
2 - Health is Wealth. Without health, you have nothing.
3 - Tomorrow is not guaranteed.
4 - Be grateful for all that you have (don’t waste time dwelling on what you don’t).
5 - Life is about the journey and the relationships made along the way, not the destination. Ask yourself — who will grieve the most when you pass? The deeper the grief, the sadder the loss, the more you meant to that person.  Make a difference in someone’s life.

I hope my loss can be your gain. Tell your dad you love him — I can’t. Give your mom a big hug — I can’t.

Keep your people safe. Create a few extra memories. No one is ever “ready” to lose both their parents, but I hope when that time comes, you can look back over the years and know you made every second count.

Happy Parents' Day to all, everyday.

#happyfathersday #happyparentsday
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