Today’s guest believes it’s because most of us have no idea how we’re actually coming across.
Alison Wood Brooks is a professor at Harvard Business School who studies conversation and emotion.
Her research focuses on everyday communication and the subtle ways our words shape how people respond.
We spend a huge part of our lives talking to people, yet most of us never learn how conversation actually works, or why it so often goes wrong.
Alison’s work shows that there’s often a gap between what we intend to communicate and what people actually hear. That gap influences how confident we seem and how likeable we come across.
So I asked her:
- What actually makes someone enjoyable to talk to?
- Does anxiety change how we sound to others?
- What small habits are pushing people away?
- Why do we underestimate how much people enjoy talking to us?
- What makes some conversations feel easy while others feel forced?
Alison brought me through the “TALK” framework that anyone can use to structure a conversation, especially in moments that usually feel awkward or uncertain.
A lot of what Alison shares comes back to awareness - not changing who you are, but noticing what you’re already doing when you speak to people.
If you’ve ever walked away from a conversation unsure why it felt off, this episode will help you understand what was really going on.