(Adaptation of “If You Give a Mouse a Cookie”)
If you give a PM a feature request,
the PM will put it in the backlog.
Once it’s in the backlog,
sales will promise it to three customers.
So the PM will schedule three meetings
to discuss it with the stakeholders.
Then somebody will ask
whether we’re solving the right problem.
After that,
the PM will say it needs alignment (strategic, of course)
But no one will be able to explain the strategy,
but everyone will agree
this absolutely needs to align to it.
So the PM will ask for data
to build a business case.
There won’t be any,
so the PM will use:
1. a survey with 11 responses
2. two sales anecdotes
3. one unhinged customer quote
4. screenshot from a competitor
Once the business case is done,
it will need many cross-functional meetings
to get approved.
Once meeting quota has been hit,
the PM will rescope it (to align to strategy),
and engineering will say two weeks.
Two months later,
it will still be “on track.”
Then it will get parked
because of more urgent quarterly priorities.
Once it comes up enough times,
it will become a priority again.
By then,
it will somehow be a platform decision
with mandatory refactoring.
When V1 finally ships a year later,
design won’t recognize it,
sales will be annoyed it’s not what they sold,
and marketing will find out it shipped from a customer.
Usage and adoption won't be monitored,
because tracking was never implemented.
And then, leadership will ask:
“is it AI?”
#productmanagement
If you give a PM a feature request,
the PM will put it in the backlog.
Once it’s in the backlog,
sales will promise it to three customers.
So the PM will schedule three meetings
to discuss it with the stakeholders.
Then somebody will ask
whether we’re solving the right problem.
After that,
the PM will say it needs alignment (strategic, of course)
But no one will be able to explain the strategy,
but everyone will agree
this absolutely needs to align to it.
So the PM will ask for data
to build a business case.
There won’t be any,
so the PM will use:
1. a survey with 11 responses
2. two sales anecdotes
3. one unhinged customer quote
4. screenshot from a competitor
Once the business case is done,
it will need many cross-functional meetings
to get approved.
Once meeting quota has been hit,
the PM will rescope it (to align to strategy),
and engineering will say two weeks.
Two months later,
it will still be “on track.”
Then it will get parked
because of more urgent quarterly priorities.
Once it comes up enough times,
it will become a priority again.
By then,
it will somehow be a platform decision
with mandatory refactoring.
When V1 finally ships a year later,
design won’t recognize it,
sales will be annoyed it’s not what they sold,
and marketing will find out it shipped from a customer.
Usage and adoption won't be monitored,
because tracking was never implemented.
And then, leadership will ask:
“is it AI?”
#productmanagement