Ross Pomerantz

Marketers. Every days these noble warriors mull over the hard questions. What color lanyards to make? Is it time for new company water bottles? Does the font Helvetica tell a story? Without them to take this on we are but a mere shell, a company with no heart. So, should you see a marketer today, tomorrow, or ever (likely between the hours of 11am and 1:30pm; but not 12-1) give pause and say thank you for their meaningful contributions. Tag your marketing team. #ShitMarketingSays #SalesAreDope #SalesVsMarketing #KareemOMushroomSoup #ABtest #B2BMarketing

Sup Nerds,

I’ve been avoiding you guys. Not actually, I’ve just been busy. Anywho, I wanted to share some updates on WTF I’ve been doing over the last 5 months.

First of all, as of several months ago, Bravado is no more.

There’s a lot of reasons for this. We built a massive community. We built a cool product. But at the end of the day when you build a social network you need to sell ads or sell data. We didn’t want to do either one because it was the antithesis of why we built it in the first place.

TLDR: We figured out our business model of AI and recruiting too late and ran out of capital. 

Since then though, I’ve been working on a completely new way to disappoint all of you. No, it’s not a tech company, and it certainly won’t have anything to do with AI. It’s a CPG brand.

I have a cofounder. I’ve incorporated. And I have a bank account. I'm not revealing the product yet. Not revealing the name. But here's what I will be doing: building in public with all of you.

You only get a few chances to throw big haymakers in life. This will be mine. I’m bootstrapping it myself. I will own the decisions and I will own the failures. 
I believe the best products aren't created in a vacuum. They're built with real feedback from real people who will actually use them.

So buckle up, losers. CorpDaddy is going back into founder-mode. And don’t worry, the content isn’t going anywhere.

Last few hours to shake down Salesforce reps for the best price you'll ever get. It's the last of their fiscal year.

USE THIS INFORMATION.

For all my Sales Folk grindin' toward End of Quarter, here's a little intro you might try to break through to your prospects.

Do we have a deal?

Happy Q1

Watched an episode of Yellowstone and decided to trade in my city life for something a bit more remote. While I may not slang clouds anymore, I’ll tell you what, the top soil industry is bussin'.

It is with great sadness and a heavy heart that I must announce I will be doing work today.

Last I checked, my job is to SELL, not explain the product… SHEEEEESH.
#salesengineering #SalesAreDope

I don't know who needs to hear this but S.A.D.N.E.S.S.

Sales Are Dope Never Ever Stop Selling.

Now you know.

Hiring this guy was the best decision I’ve ever made! #CorporateDad

More Sales Lingo translations for the ill-informed prospect.

#sales

It's been a little over a year since we released the 8-episode Web Series [S.A.D.] - Sales are Dope. Now we've recut it into a 90-minute movie!

It's far from perfect. There are a million things I would redo if I could. It's no Glengarry Glen Ross, nor is it Wolf of Wall Street. But it is a dream come true.

So if you have some time during this July 4th week. Give it a watch. If you're in Sales or have worked with Salespeople (yikes), you might just laugh once or twice.

In the meantime remember Sales Are Dope Never Ever Stop Selling (S.A.D.N.E.S.S.).

Just because you CAN connect AI to everything doesn’t mean you SHOULD connect AI to everything. Aurasell AI #AuraSellPartner

AI literally always be closing

As long as it's AI, right? Natalie (Corporate Natalie)

AI COULD NEVER!!

We still don’t really know what the product is but word on the street is we mighta just got another $85M… Natalie (Corporate Natalie)

#techfounders #corporate #startup #pitches #comedy

Mr Beast. Matthew McConaughey. Marc Benioff.

This is a documentary immortalizing the most epic mismatch of demographic focuses the world has ever seen. And the resulting ad campaign will definitely win every single advertising award.

I know a lot of you will ask why I wasn't involved. Unfortunately, I was disqualified because I've actually used Salesforce products.

Sometimes the SaaS is greener on the otherside. 

#Saas  #Sales  #ServiceNowPartner

I’m glad I’m not going to a free tropical island luxury resort, it’s a hassle putting on all that sunscreen and stuff.

Legal🤝Sales

No need for interdepartmental beef when you have a tool that works cross-functionally, amiright?!!?!? Docusign Intelligent Agreement Management (IAM) platform is redefining how teams handle contracts by supporting every stage of the process. From drafting and negotiation to management and tracking, all powered by AI.

No legal jargon required! IAM pulls out the key stuff you actually need to know. (Good because the only thing I care about is Closed-Won)

No endless email threads! Docusign keeps communication and tasks from every stakeholder organized in one central place. (No more asking for "visibility" from your manager).

No digging through documents! Smart search lets you quickly scan across all agreements to find exactly what you’re looking for. (Which is good because I'm NOT exactly the most organized).

Natalie (Corporate Natalie) ) #Docusignpartner

Nerds! Long time no talk. Kinda.

I’m back with another updizzle on this CPG brand I’ve been trying to dial in. Here’s what’s gucci:

I spent last Thursday and Friday at a flavor house in Chicago locking in our liquid. I told you all 2 months ago that it wasn’t good enough but…. IT’S GOOD ENOUGH NOW, BABY! WOO! Dare I say it’s great? I’m sooo excited about it.

Now, while that’s all fine and dandy, it’s another story at The National Bank of Ross.

I have to buy over 200 thousand cans. Not just any cans though. Digital, matte cans. We’re building a premium brand and while we could go cheaper with printed glossy cans, that’s just not where I’m willing to compromise. And, if you had told me even a year ago that I’d have to care about aluminum tariffs I’d have laughed in your face. “How ‘bout these aluminum tariffs, huh??!” Smh.

Then there is the base liquid, ingredients and flavors of our beverage. We’re planning to launch with 18,000 total cases (12-packs) on launch day. 6,000 cases of each of our 3 SKUs.

I haven’t even touched the manufacturing yet, which, thank god for NET 60 am I right? For once I’m on the vendor side asking for discounts. NGL, it feels good.

SO YEAH. Wife is stoked (not). We’re probably going to rent forever, but I keep telling myself this is the only path forward. We get but one first impression.

And I plan to blow your sweet, little buttcheeks away.

Invested: $100k (about to be a lot more)
Left in the bank: ~$72,000 (about to be a lot less)
Revenue: $0 (is this good?)

Love,
Corp

PS - Next update will reveal EVERYTHING.
PPS - Before you come try to give me a better deals. I’m locked in. SO DONT TRY. 
PPS - If this fails I’m starting an 0nlyFans where I make cold calls in the nude.

Another strategic partnership tragically ending in divergent roadmaps and an inability to align on shared deliverables moving forward...

Nah, I’ll wait for everyone else to get one. (I’ve already eaten 4).

Thanks for agreeing with me, ChatGPT. Glad you see things the way I do.

Love is in the air. And so is Q3 quota attainment.

We go all the way back to new-hire training and bro really gonna do me like that??

Starting smart in 2026 with my very best friend, ChatGPT 🧠.

Sup Nerds.

IRL Update. 4 months in. Still alive. Barely.

Last time I checked in, I told you I was building a CPG brand and gave you absolutely nothing else to work with. Classic me. Today I'll give you a little more. Not the product, not the name, but enough to understand why I haven't slept properly since December.

It's a beverage.

Yeah, I know everyone and their cousin is "launching a beverage." But honestly I'm sick and tired of Tech right now. The vibe coding... The layoffs... The "saaspocalypse." ALLLLL THE BS. So I went the opposite direction.

I want to make a product people can hold in their hands. Something tangible.

I'm learning this as I go. Formulation, sourcing, manufacturing. All of it. I've spent months talking to food scientists, tasting things that are "almost there," chasing down ingredient suppliers, and trying to find a co-manufacturer who won't rake me over the coals (SDR's licking their chops at this paragraph).

The good news: we have designs I'm genuinely proud of, a launch plan that's focused, and a co-founder who knows what he's doing. This isn't a vanity project.

The humbling news: none of that matters if the product isn't right. And right now the product is BAD.

You can out-brand, out-market, and out-storytell everyone in the room and will STILL lose if what's in the can doesn't deliver.

However long it takes though, I intend to deliver.

Invested: $100k
Left in the bank: $78k
Revenue: $0

More soon.
Corp

The most magical time of year has come to an end… SKO season. At these amazing events, I made memories that would have lasted a lifetime – had I skipped the afterparties. Here’s what I remember:

I forgot to pack underwear for CES in Vegas because I told my wife I didn’t need help packing because I’m "a big boy." As such I performed at The Sphere in front of 14,000 people totally commando. Still killlled it. 

Shocker: I heard the word “AI” about 8,000 times. There were AI lawnmowers dancing atop grass together like synchronized swimmers (a necessary utility). There was a robot you could hit on and get rejected by. And there was a shockingly large booth dedicated to a sperm microscope.

The future is clearly bright.

I also interviewed US Women’s soccer legend Abby Wambach. We connected through our very similar sports accolades: both amazing beer pong players. Afterwards, Abby held my 10-month-old baby, who immediately started crying. (He was starstruck.)

I got to see old friends and colleagues, and also got to meet so many of you who I’d only known online before. All of you were sweet. A few of you were sober.

I collaborated with Lenovo and their delightful people. I hosted my undefeated gameshow Corporate Jeopardy for the incredible people of Qualtrics. (They were amazing even if their skills at Jeopardy weren’t.) Bonus shoutout to Qualtrics for running to get me a shot of whiskey riiiight before I went onstage.

I ran it back for a second year in a row and emcee’d Certinia’s electrifying RKO. I was blown away by how positive of a culture they created. Somehow their org had 42 children last year. Was that because of my performance last year? Probably.

I stuck to my diet, except when I didn’t. I didn’t party too hard, except when I did. And I enjoyed Las Vegas and San Diego more than I have in a long time.

Thank you all, and I can’t wait to make career-limiting decisions with you again next conference season.

So, anyone's teenage kid figure out the Salesforce/Mr Beast riddle yet?

Just imagine what your household could do with 2 months of free SLACK!

Single greatest Sales Voicemail of all time??