SURREAL

LARGE NEWS

Whopping news

Mammoth-sized news...

...according to our sales team

If you talk to one of the two people who work in our sales team then they'll tell you this is absolutely gigantic news

If you talk to one of the 8,211,179,649 people who don't work in our sales team, then they'll probably tell you that this isn't particularly big news in the grand scheme of things.

But what is this news of debateable size?

Not telling.

You'll have to read the big words to find out the BIG(ish) news

9:03 am
See new viral trend going round

9:04 am
Tell yourself you’re not gonna engage with it, you can think of something original

10:08 am
Fail to think of anything original

10:09 am
Hop on stupid trend

MILDLY ALARMING NEWS

(within the context of cereal)

(and sales)

(and cereal sales)

(not alarming news within the grand scheme of things)

(you try telling that to the boss though)

Welcome to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

There's a village in Wales called Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch, and it has TWO claims to fame.

CLAIM TO FAME NUMBER ONE:
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch has the second longest, one word, place name in the world*

CLAIM TO FAME NUMBER TWO:
Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch has a Co-op…

A CO-OP THAT SELLS OUR CEREAL.

If you're feeling peckish, why not swing by Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch and grab a box of our cereal?

We're in a bunch of other Co-ops too, so you could just try your local one instead.

It won't have the second longest place name in the world though, will it?

*In case you’re wondering, the longest place name belongs to a village in New Zealand called TaumatawhakatangihangakoauauoTamateaturipukakapikimaungahoronukupokaiwhenuakitanatahu. Sadly our cereal isn’t available there yet.

Our social media manager has selfishly gone off for a long weekend in Portugal (right before Black Friday too, who approved that?)
 
Obviously they haven’t bothered to schedule anything new or original, so we’re just gonna have to repost old stuff.
 
Here’s a campaign from when our designer went on holiday and our accountant had to cover graphic design duties.
 
Clearly the lesson here is: don’t let any staff go on any holidays, ever.

WELCOME TO MONDAY - everyone’s FAVOURITE day of the week.

After two AWFUL days of not working, we can all FINALLY get back to doing what we love:

Moving numbers around in Excel for 8 hours and seeing if anything happens.

Can’t wait. So excited.

It’s not enough to just turn up and clock in though.

We wanna hit the ground RUNNING.

We’ve come up with an easy, step-by-step guide to maximising your Monday morning productivity.

So roll up your sleeves and get ready to turn your to-do list into a to-done list.

See you all in the spreadsheets.

People say dogs are humans’ best friends. Not here though.

Our best friends are our lawyers.

Sure, they’re soulless vampires who constantly try to suck the life from us, but their contract says we have to call them our best friends so here we are.

Because they’re our best friends, we’d never do anything to upset them like launch a cereal they didn’t approve.

Except that time a few months ago when we launched a cereal they didn’t approve.

We’ve put it behind us, for two reasons:
1) we’re best friends
2) they ran rings round us with their legal mumbo jumbo

We’re pleased to say we’ve made some changes and our lawyers now 100% approve of our new Caramelised Biscuit cereal.

Well, 90% approve.

Well, 80%.

Well, they actually declined to comment but it’s probably fine.