Ellie Middleton

The biggest autism paradox 👇🏼

Wanting to be alone, but feeling lonely.

Social interaction is really energy expensive to me. When life gets busy, busy, busy - I just don’t have the energy to socialise.

I’ll cancel plans.
I’ll want to be alone.
I’ll cut myself off from communication.

But then I’ll feel really lonely 🌝

And although I can notice that I’m lonely, that still doesn’t mean I want to socialise, either.

The perfect scenario would be to sit in silence with another human:

Both doing our own thing.
Neither feeling the pressure to communicate.
But both knowing that they’re not alone.

This is super important when it comes to belonging in a team, too.

I might not have the energy to communicate, but even sitting round the desk (in my noise cancellation headphones) makes me feel like I belong.

Just because someone doesn’t want to chat, doesn’t mean they don’t want to be there.

Alone, but together 🫶🏼

#JustNeurodivergentThings

My first ever in person talk!

On stage talking about life with ADHD and autism - while:

- Playing with a fidget toy
- Wearing funky and colourful clothes that I feel comfortable in
- Rocking my tattoos and nose ring
- Speaking from my own lived experience and not worrying about the “right” answer

It almost feels like we’ve come full circle - THIS is what it means to be professional 🥰

Thanks so much to the amazing Alexandra Balazs for organising, and to Rachel Morgan-Trimmer and Kate Jones for making up a great panel 💜

Digital City Festival

#IAmProfessional

If we’re ever in a meeting and I’m smiling, nodding along and not saying very much…

This is what I’m hearing 😅

ADHD folks can struggle with auditory processing - which basically means it feels like the words go in one ear and out the other, without actually sinking into our brains 👂🧠

Here are some simple ways you can accommodate your ADHD team:

-Provide a written agenda in advance of meetings so we know what to expect

-Follow up meetings with an email outlining what was discussed

-Provide instructions in a written format and well as verbal

-Use software such as Otter.ai which automatically transcribes all virtual meetings

-Use sequencing words e.g First, Second, Then, Last (helps to put stuff into context and keep us on track!)

Also important to remember that everybody, both neurodivergent and neurotypical, learns in different ways - so worth asking all employees if they’d prefer written accommodations 🥰

Friendly reminder that if you want somebody’s advice, due to their lived experience, to help you with your business:

That is consultancy.

It is a service that requires payment.

People’s trauma and life-experience is not a free resource for you to pick at whenever you fancy.

That is all 😌

Friendly reminder to all neurodivergents:

You are not stupid.
The system we have for measuring “intelligence” is.

You are not difficult.
The societal norms we have to navigate around are.

You are not too much.
The society that expects us to always “fit in” is.

You are not broken. You’re just different.

And to me, different is amazing 🌟

And next up on our laughably ignorant news segment…

Article published by The Telegraph in 👏 2024 👏 claims “severe autism can be reversed”.

And by that, they clarify what they truly mean is “symptoms can be reduced to an indistinguishable level” with a scientist-concocted ‘intervention’ programme 🙃

How is this real?

Can I remind EVERYONE that autistic people learning to hide their symptoms is literally just masking?!

Masking. That is all these scientists have ‘discovered’ with 24 months of money and resources and undisclosed traumatic circumstances inflicted upon twin girls too young to consent.

👏 Nobody here has reversed autism, because that is not how autism works.

They have just bullied neurodivergent traits that they’ve demonised out of children.

What autistic burnout looks like:

- My support needs are much higher.
- My capacity is much lower.
- My ability to mask is much lower.
- My tolerance is much lower.

I am having probably the worst month (in terms of burnout and mental health) that I’ve had since I had to drop out of school 8 years ago.

You wouldn’t know it from my socials (because we mostly use the sites as highlight reels), but it’s true. I’ve had to cancel lots of current work, decline lots of future work, and have spent a considerable amount of time in tears.

Ironically, typing and creating content don’t feel out of reach. What I can’t deal with, are verbal communication, having to meet people and mask, or being on calls.

Being autistic and working at the pace I have over the last 18 months are just not compatible.

So from now on - it’s time to take things easy.

You might still see me on here, but the real life stuff will be taking a big decrease in pace.

Because happiness and health have always got to come first.

Unpopular truth:

Unmasking isn’t pretty.

After my ADHD & autism diagnoses, I had an intial wave of unmasking that felt freeing, joyous and full of relief.

But since then, it has been a whoooole lot less pretty:

- It’s meant getting very clear that I can not work in the way that your neurotypical system wants me to.

- It’s meant getting very clear that if you don’t accommodate me, my demand avoidance will result in me running away.

- It’s meant getting very clear that I will communicate in a direct and “blunt” way and it’s up to you to remove your judgement of that.

- It’s meant getting very clear that, after a lifetime of people pleasing, bending over backwards and squeezing myself into a system that doesn’t work for me, I will no longer budge.

For someone that spent such a long time as an undiagnosed people pleaser - these conversations can feel veryyyyy tricky.

But I know that every single time, I get one step closer to being unmasked and authentically Ellie - which is worth every second of squirming.

#JustNeurodivergentThings

Traits of a great leader:

- Highly passionate
- Strong sense of justice
- Out of the box thinking
- Clear and deliberate communication
- Systematic approach to problem solving

Autistic traits:

- Highly passionate
- Strong sense of justice
- Out of the box thinking
- Clear and deliberate communication
- Systematic approach to problem solving

Need I say more? 😌

The trickiest part of being a high-masking autistic person is that nobody looks at me and acknowledges or understands that I am disabled.

To the untrained eye, I’m a completely “normal, fully functioning” adult.

So they’ll:

- Treat me the same as they do anybody else (without any accommodation).

- Communicate with me the same as they do anybody else (without understanding I have a communication disability).

- Expect the same from me as they do anybody else (without realising I have support needs and a limited capacity).

Just because somebody “looks normal” (whatever normal might be), that does not mean they don’t need additional support.

Friendly reminder that the more different kinds of brains you have in the room, the more ideas you'll come up with - and the fewer blind spots you'll have, too.

Neurodivergent and disabled people are required to be disproportionately flexible compared to their neurotypical or non-disabled counterparts.

As an autistic ADHDer who is in the minority in most social and professional environments, it is almost always on me to adapt to the people around me, rather than them adapting to my needs, or even meeting me in the middle.

📔 Taken from my new book How To Be You - pre-order now: https://amzn.to/4cnUiRu
🎟️ Grab tickets for the HTBY launch event here: https://lnkd.in/eumuPgZ3

If you’re neurodivergent, you could get up to £65,000 a year in support from Access To Work.

It’s an (amazing) government scheme that covers things like transcription software, ADHD coaching, a support worker, or a sitting-standing desk.

The only downside?

How few people know about and access it (and there’s a bit of a long waiting list).

We’ve made an (un)masked guide which walks you through the whole process, what you need to do and what you can ask for.

Grab yours now 👇🏼

https://lnkd.in/eK5KwDiG

In 2021, I posted a thing on LinkedIn 🤠

Last night, I attended my first red carpet premiere.

Those are 2 events that are inextricably linked:

All of the incredible, amazing opportunities that I get in 2024 are a direct result of making the decision to share my thoughts, experiences and feelings in 2021.

Post the thing 💖

A word I am removing from the dictionary:

CRINGEY.

❌ Posting online doesn’t make you cringey.
✅ It makes you ambitious and means you have something to say.

❌ Being obsessed with something doesn’t make you cringey.
✅ It makes you passionate and enthusiastic.

❌ Being sensitive doesn’t make you cringey.
✅ It means you’re caring and in touch with your emotions.

❌ Putting your all into something doesn’t make you cringey.
✅ It makes you driven and hard-working.

It feels like anything that isn’t dull, normal, average, or ordinary is labelled “cringey” these days.

But I’d choose a “cringey” rainbow over a normal cloud every day of the week 🌈🌈🌈🌈🌈

#NotCringeyJustMe

Say it with me:

We're working in sprints and not marathons 👏🏼

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For more tips on working WITH your brain rather than against it, pre-order my new book How To Be You at https://amzn.to/3U5oOYB 📚

I don’t even know where to start with writing this post other than with THANK YOU 🥺

I’ve been nominated for Stereotype Buster of the Year at the 2022 Celebrating Neurodiversity Awards 🥰

These are the largest awards dedicated to celebrating the neurodivergent community so for my name to even be in the mix is far too much for this busy little brain to comprehend 😅🧠

For someone so early on in my neurodiversity-exploration journey, it is SUCH a privilege to be able to raise my voice, make change and advocate for those around me.

The (virtual) awards ceremony is in March, so I’ll be sure to keep you all updated… I’ve seen some amazing people announcing nominations and can’t wait to celebrate all our hard work together 👏🏼

A massive, huge, THANK YOU 💜

Genius Within CIC